An Akatsuki Vacation
by ninzor
Summary: The Akatsuki goes on vacation, and they are in for one wild ride at Seaworld, the San Diego Wild Animal Park, and many more places...
1. Vacation?

Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki, but I rent Sasori for the weekends.  Sorry, but Only Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori are going to be in this fic. No Hidan or Kakuzu, since I don't know them that well. ;-;

**An Akatsuki Vacation**

"Oh my gawd, look, un!" an excited blonde screamed, grinning broadly and drooling over an internet pop-up he had come across while checking his email. "I'VE JUST WON A VACATION TO EUROPE, UN!"

Sasori and Itachi came to investigate, leaving Kisame and Zetsu in the living room, where they were eating their hearts out.

"Erm, Deidara," Sasori said, peering at the screen. "Those pop-ups are never honest, you know."

"What do you know?" Deidara snapped. "All I have to do is enter my credit card number, email address, and phone number, then I have to look at some 'exciting' offers, un…."

"It's a freaking ad!" Itachi scolded. "It's just to snag your attention, and…"

"B-b-but, un,…..I….want a vacation…." Deidara sniffled.

Sasori and Itachi sweat-dropped.

"PLEASE, DANNA?" Deidara said loudly.

Sasori stared at him blankly.

"You know, I said _please_, un" Deidara said, pointing out the obvious.

"I know you did."

Deidara frowned. This would not do He withdrew a giant explosive clay bird, that if detonated, would blow up the whole current residence and everyone in it.

"Vacation. Now." He said in a scary voice.

"Okay, okay, okay…." Itachi said quickly, "But not the pop-up one, okay? It probably is just a scam…"

"Fine." Deidara said. "I don't want to go to Europe, anyways."

The blonde thought for a moment. "I want to go to….AMARIKAT, un!"

"You mean America, right?" Sasori said, a bit confused.

"Yeah, un!" Deidara said, grinning broadly. "America."

"American where?" Itachi asked.

"CALIBORNEO, UN."

"California?"

"Yeah, that's it, un. California."

"California where?"

"SAINT DAYGUM, UN."

"San Diego."

"Yeah, I meant that, un…"

And so, with much to do, those few members of Akatsuki began to pack.

Zetsu was stuffing his suitcase with slabs of raw meat. Other than that, he didn't bring much else.

"San Diego has good beaches, and I have a cousin who lives in the Pacific Ocean," Kisame explained, loading his suitcase with beach toys and other….well…stuff.

Deidara and Itachi packed mostly hair care products and cosmetics.

And Sasori packed all the snacks and extra socks.

After packing, Itachi went to book plane tickets online. The rest of them sat around the living room, talking about the upcoming vacation.

"I wanna go to the Wild Beast Parts, un!" Deidara said happily.

"You mean, the Wild Animal Park?" Sasori corrected.

"Yeah, un…."

Obviously, Kisame was eager to hit every beach and visit his uncle at Seaworld.

While Zetsu was prepared to spend more time on fine dining at San Diego's many dinner options.

"Guys, I've booked tickets," Itachi said. "They'll be in the mail tomorrow, and our flight is this Friday at 7:00 AM."

Very, very, exciting indeed.

Next time: Will they make it in time for the flight? And, will Kisame and Zetsu be allowed aboard the plane?


	2. Airport Drama

Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki, but I rent Sasori for the weekends.  Sorry, but Only Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori are going to be in this fic. No Hidan or Kakuzu, since I don't know them that well. ;-;

**An Akatsuki Vacation **

"WAKE UP, UN!" Deidara screamed. It was 5:00 AM.

No one woke up.

Deidara was forced to detonate an explosive bird. That set the fire alarm off, and everyone woke up screaming and panicking at once.

"DEIDARA!" Sasori squeaked. "I said, no explosives in the house!"

"Sorry, un, but you see, I had to wake you guys up…"

"Oh, no…" Itachi said, looking at the clock. 5:15. "We need an half an hour to get to the airport, and an hour to do security check and stuff like that…."

Hurriedly, they loaded themselves into the van without breakfast.

Kisame happily took a hold of the steering wheel.

"NO!" everyone screamed, except for Zetsu, who had fallen asleep. Zetsu is not a morning person.

"**YES!"** Kisame screamed back, slamming on the gas pedal. The van lurched forward and hurtled over speed bumps, knocking things over and flattening an unfortunate cat.

"SLOW DOWN!" screamed Itachi, but Kisame was delighted to be driving crazily towards the freeway. Unlike Zetsu, Kisame was a morning person.

With a sickening lurch, Kisame made a left and entered the freeway. Itachi was hurled into Zetu's gaping jaws, and Deidara and Sasori were clinging to eachother and bawling.

"I don't want to die, un! Make him stop, danna!"

"WAAAAAH!"

"MMMFGH!" screeched Itachi. Zetsu spit him out and fell back asleep.

Everyone except for Kisame, who was laughing like a maniac, and Zetsu, who was asleep, screamed in horror. Traffic. They were done for.

Kisame slammed n the gas pedal, rather than the brakes he should have. The car in front of them served as a ramp, and the van went sailing through the air.

"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Kisame's maniacal laughter abruptly stopped.

"Darn it, I'm out of gas."

Everyone gaped.

They took quick action. They woke Zetsu up and snatched all their luggage up. They all climbed aboard Deidara's cute and giant birdy and flew the rest of the way to the airport.

The 5 members of Akatsuki rushed to check in. After doing so, they sped towards security check.

"BEEEP."

"Sir, you can't bring that weapon aboard."

Kisame looked crushed.

"I can't leave Samehada behind," he sniffled. "I promise I won't do anything bad with him."

Kisame was arguing with the security guard, and Deidara was being forced to hand in all his explosives.

When security check was finally done with, they faced a new problem. When they were at the gates, the lady collecting the tickets would not allow Kisame and Zetsu aboard.

"Pets need separate tickets," the lady said.

"PET?" screeched Kisame. "I am truly offended!"

"Sorry, airport policies," the lady said stiffly.

Good thing Zetsu was there. He engulfed the lady, making up for his lack of breakfast, and the five of them boarded the plane.

"Oooh, un!" Deidara said in delight. He had never been on a plane before. There were three seats to a row.

Zetsu, Sasori, and Deidara all sat in one row. Kisame and Itachi sat in another. No one else occupied the leftover seat in Itachi and Kisame's row, because Kisame was rather frightening.

The flight attendants served breakfast on trays. Zetsu devoured his, tray and all.

Meanwhile, Sasori was watching in fascination at the instructional video that was playing in case of emergency.

Before they could finish the provided breakfast, the plane took off. All of the members of Akatsuki were terrified, except for Deidara, who was accustomed to flying.

Sasori repeadtedly threw up the plane breakfast, Kisame and Itachi were screaming for their mothers, and Zetsu….was asleep again.

After hours of terror, the plane finally landed.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived at San Diego."


	3. Here Comes the Hotel of Hell!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki, but I rent Sasori for the weekends.  Sorry, but Only Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori are going to be in this fic. No Hidan or Kakuzu, since I don't know them that well. ;-;

**An Akatsuki Vacation **

The five got off the plane and fetched their luggage from the baggage claim. After an hour or so of paper work, they were left to face San Diego on their own.

"So…." Kisame said. "What do we do now?"

"Hotel, duh," Itachi said, fluffing his hair.

"I booked us a room for a week."

"All of us?' Kisame said in horror.

"You know, 'The Leader' wouldn't appreciate us spending to much money, so I had to be as frugal as possible…."

Kisame was on the verge of a mental breakdown, babbling about how he'd rather spend a day in Hell than bunk with the others for a week.

"TAXI!" Sasori screamed, jumping up and down. "TAXI!"

"What are you doing, un?" Deidara asked curiously.

Sasori ignored him and continued screaming and waving. Unfortunately, no cabbie in San Diego really wants to drive a carnivorous plant, a half-shark, a puppet, and two girly men around town. So they had no choice but to travel to the hotel via Deidara's birdie.

After checking in at the hotel, the 5 Akatsuki members made their way up to their room. Each of them got their own key. Zetsu promptly devoured his.

Inside the room, there was a mini-kitchen, a bathroom, a TV, two beds, and one couch. Everyone stared in dismay. This meant 2 of them had to sleep on the floor.

"MINE, UN!" Deidara screamed, jumping on one of the beds. "I call dibs on this bed, un!"

"Erm, sensitive shark skin?" Kisame said, looking for an excuse to claim a bed, and threw his things on it at once.

Itachi screamed and dove for the couch. Zetsu, well, was already asleep again on the floor.

Which left Sasori in an akward position. Sleeping on the floor meant that he might get eaten alive as he dreamed of buttercups and Curious George.

"You can share with me, danna!" Deidara said happily. "Sharing is caring, un!" He patted the spot on the bed next to him.

Sasori stared blankly back.

"Um, no," he said. "I think I'll….sleep in the bathtub or something…"

"Can we go to the zoo, now, danna?"

"Um, maybe later…"

Sasori began to unpack everyone's luggage, except for Zetsu's, which smelled terrible.

"This is beginning to feel like home…" Sasori said cheerfully.

BOOM.

"Or not."

He turned around. Deidara was laughing and blowing holes in the wall. Good thing there was no one in the room next door.

"Stop it," Sasori said. "We're going to have to pay for that…"

Before Deidara could reply, Itachi perked up. "Do you guys want to go to dinner now?"

At the sound of dinner, Zetsu was awake and ready for action.

The 5 headed down to the hotel buffet.

Itachi and Deidara were choosing their food carefully. Both of them were on a diet. Kisame headed towards the seafood section, and Sasori just picked up whatver/ Zetsu wasn't bothering with the tray-and-plate shebang. He was gulping food down straight away.

Kisame was crying when he saw that shark-fin soup was one of the items available for eating.

(AN: Shark fin soup is really good, but the sinews are kinda gross and chewy. :P)

The 5 of them sat down at one of the tables. Except for Zetsu, who was munching happily on an innocent bell hopper.

The next few minutes consisted of muffled chit-chat, as everyone was trying to talk with their mouths full. Kisame had lost his appetite and had seriously been scarred, and he was crying and hiding his face in his hands, saying things like "What if that was mommy?" Itachi patted him and tried comforting him. Seeing your kin floating around all chopped up in soup with abalones isn't a pretty sight.

"Okay, men," Itachi said. He was about to say something, but Kisame noisily snuffled and wiped his snotty nose on Itachi's sleeve.

Itachi screamed. "THAT'S 100 SILK!" he screamed, dabbing at the blob of mucus with a napkin.

After regaining composure and getting MOST of Kisame's snot off his sleeve, he continued his little pep talk.

"Okay, men," he announced. "Tommorow, we hit the San Diego wild Animal Park. Get a good night's sleep and eat plenty of veggies. We are in for on hell of a zoo visit."

Next time: What surprises are waiting in the Wild Animal Park? And what will Sasori do when he finds a bunch of zoo critter animal hand puppets in the gift shop?


	4. Lions, Tigers, and Hand Puppets? Oh My!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki, but I rent Sasori for the weekends.  Sorry, but Only Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori are going to be in this fic. No Hidan or Kakuzu, since I don't know them that well. ;-;

**An Akatsuki Vacation **

"Ugh…." Sasori was the first to wake up, because he had stayed true to his word and slept in the tub the previous night. Too bad he didn't realize that tub was leaky until it was too late.

After all the other members had been woken, they set off for the zoo. Deidara had a little cute teddy-shaped backpack full of snacks and money to purchase souvenirs with. Sasori swore the teddy backpack was possessed.

They arrived at the zoo, and each member handed in their tickets and prepared to meet some cute and cuddly animals.

Itachi was studying a map of the park. "What animal do you want to see first?" he asked.

"The lions, un!" Deidara said happily. So the lions it was. After about 5 minutes of walking, they found themselves facing a pen of lions. Whose manes seemed to be the same color of Deidara's hair.

Deidara beamed. "What hair care products do you use, un, Mr. Lion?' he asked. The lion roared. Deidara almost wet jimself in terror. So they got away from there fast, to find themselves in the lorikeet exhibit.

To all that have been to the Wild Animal Park before, you would know that anyone can come and visit th lorikeets, and purchase nectar to feed them with if you want.

Sasori was smitten. He bought a cup of nectar. The others were too frightened, except for Zetsu, who bought on as well and drank it himself.

As soon as they entered the lorikeet enclosure, Sasori was attacked by angry lorikeets in need of nectar.

"Man down, un!" Deidara screeched. "Are you alright, danna?"

Kisame was screaming and fending off another hoard of crazed birds who decided they wanted a fish dinner, with a side of Samehada.

SPLAT.

Itachi felt wetness gliding gracefully down his raven-haired head. It took him a minute to comprehend.

"OH MY GAWD! THE BIRD FREAKING TOOK A CRAP ON ME!"

They fled the exhibit as fast as they could. Zetsu was smiling innocently, lorikeet feathers in his jaws. Poor, poor, lorikeets.

(AN: They deserve it for attacking my Sasori. :3)

"Gift shop!" Deidara said cheerfully, running into one of the park's many gift shops.

Kisame found a plushie that he liked very much. Zetsu found a poor customer for a snack. Itachi found some cute animal-shaped hair clips. Deidara found some little clay birds. That weren't explosive. And as for Sasori….he had fallen in love with a zebra hand puppet.

"Oh, you are so beautiful…" Sasori said to the hand puppet, beaming. "I'm going to take you home, and you shall be mine."

"SASORI-DANNA!" screamed Deidara, slapping the zebra hand puppet away.

"You're supposed to love ME, un! Why else do you think the crazed fangirls like to pair us up in fanfictions, un?"

Sniffling, Sasori bid farewell to the puppet before they exited the shop, Kisame with armloads of plushies, and Itachi wearing about a hundred new hair clips all at once.

They visited the zebras, the elephants, the tigers, the pandas, the penguins, the okapis, the hippo, and the giraffes.

They all stank of animal poop, after Zetsu insisted they visit the petting zoo. He had been craving lamb chops.

At the petting zoo, Zetsu had eaten his heart out, and the rest of the Akatsuki members were cooing and fussing over some adorable farm animals.

"You would look great as a puppet," Sasori told a little goat. "I could implant a gun in your head, and you would be my ultimate secret weapon!" When no one was looking, he whisked the goat away and hid it in his big Akatsuki cloak. Those cloaks are really useful sometimes.

Next Time: What's next at the Wild Animal Park? What will happen when Kisame decides he wants to have a duel with a crocodile? And where will their next adventure take place?


End file.
